Archive for November, 2002

A Brief Thanksgiving Respite from Insanity

Friday, November 22nd, 2002

Drawing by Oona
Starting with this drawing by Oona

Tonight on the McNeil News, Pinky the Poet read a poem by a woman whose name I didn’t hear because The Bombshell was on the phone and I was frying something good on the stove. I didn’t hear much of the poem either, but I did notice that it had something to do with a football game in Newton. I remembered, frying, that I had been to a football game in Newton, Massachussetts.

In the Fall of 1958 I was seventeen and a freshman at a little college in Maine, three thousand miles from California, and not a little lonely. A guy in my dorm - we’d hardly met - kindly invited me down to his family’s house for Thanksgiving. His name was Paul Riseman and he lived in Newtonmass, as everyone called it. (All towns in Massachussetts are called that: Concordmass, Bostonmass, Worcestermass. To a Westerner like me, it was as if the East assumed that it contained so many towns - and so many miniscule states - that each would naturally contain duplicates of all the others. I saw this as a tribute to a population density we in Fresno could barely imagine.) Practically the first thing we did upon arrival in Newtonmass was to attend the Big Game, the Newtonmass High School Homecomingorthanksgiving Game. It was huge, it was monumental, we played someone I can’t remember, maybe Brookline High, although Brookline was a long world away from Newton, as I was to learn. (Paul’s roomate, Pete Karofsky, was from Brookline and Pete was the second nicest guy at Bowdoin.) Anyway, there I was, the Oddity from California, cheering Newton on, bundled up, surrounded by new friends, the moon rising above the red and white of the frosty stadium, the game on the line, a big steaming turkey waiting back at the cutest house I’d ever been in, the world before me.

Today I spent the morning in the recording studio, readying the Firesign Theatre for its Thanksgiving broadcast on NPR. I updated the hoary FST classic that I wrote maybe thirty years ago called “Thanksgiving or Pass the Indian, Please,” and we cracked off the best performance of it I can remember. There was a guy in the control room I hadn’t met before, thin, gray-pony-tailed, cargo pants, filmaker kind of guy and he shook my hand and told me he’d laughed like a loon through the whole thing, but what had struck him was this: when he’d heard the line “This first one was different, why did the first one have to be different?” he’d momentarily thought he was next to hear “Why is this night different from all other nights.” For a moment, we both considered the Jewish place in the Great Harvest Plenty Festival and I didn’t think of my answer until tonight.

The Risemans are my answer, the whole 1958 family of Risemans. And Newton High kicked someone’s butt that night at the Homecoming Thanksgiving game at the high school, the red leaves falling, the big moon rising, the ball spinning high above the frosty field, over the imagined graves of all our imaginary ancestors.

Art of the Insane

Wednesday, November 13th, 2002

ART OF THE INSANE

HELLO AND HELLO AND HELLO AGAIN AND AGAIN, I’M BILLY FLAMNIGAN AND WELCOME ONCE AGAIN TO ART OF THE INSANE AND TODAY WE’RE GOING TO BE DISCUSSING ONE OF THE MOST BEDEVILING PROBLEMS FACING THE BEGINNING OR EVEN AMATEUR PAINTER WHO WISHES TO REAP THE BIG PROFITS YOU CAN MAKE IN PRODUCING ART OF THE INSANE THAT IS SO LIKE THE REAL ART OF THE INSANE THAT ONLY A TRULY BEDEVILED INSANE PERSON COULD TELL THE DIFFERENCE WHICH MAKES NO DIFFERENCE AT ALL TO YOUR BANKBOOK OR WALLET.

TODAY WE’RE GOING TO LOOK AT THIS GUY ANDY WARHOL WHO’S AS POPULAR NOW THAT HE’S DEAD AS HE WAS WHEN HE WAS ALIVE AND PEOPLE HOPED HE WOULD BE DEAD SO THE PRICES OF HIS ART WOULD BE DRIVEN UP AND UP. NOW ANDY WARHOL WAS NOT INSANE. HE WAS MIRED IN THE DULL AND BORING WORLD OF FINE ART AND WHILE HIS INSTINCTS WERE AS INSANE AS THE NEXT MAN’S, HE NEVER COULD REALIZE THE BIG PROFITS HE MIGHT HAVE MADE IF HE HAD TURNED TO PAINTING JESUS ON LOCOMOTIVES OR CLOWNS WITH KNIVES. HE WASTED HIS BRIGHT TALENT ON DETERGENT BOXES AND PICTURES OF ACTORS, THINGS A TRULY INSANE ARTIST WOULD NOT LOOK AT TWICE. NOW YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE, WOULD YOU? NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE. OF COURSE YOU WOULDN’T. ANDY WARHOL MADE FAME INTO ART, HOWEVER, AND YOU CAN DO EXACTLY THE SAME WITHOUT JEAPORDIZING YOUR STATUS AS INSANE AND PRICING YOURSELF SO FAR BELOW THE MARKET AS TO MAKE THE WHOLE PAINTING NOT WORTH YOUR WHILE.

NOW, HERE WE GO. LET’S TAKE A CANVAS AND I THINK THIS WEEK WE’RE AT THE POINT WHERE WE MIGHT MENTION THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO PEE ON YOUR OWN CANVASES. NO ONE WILL KNOW IF YOU HIRE IT OUT AND THIS CANVAS WAS PEED ON BY A CERTAIN MEMBER OF MY FAMILY WHO WILL KILL ME IF I LET HER SECRET OUT. BUT SHE’S A GOOD WOMAN AND VERY SUPPORTIVE OF MY COLLECTION OF 16TH CENTURY CREAM RINSES AND HAMSTER TWIG CAGES. TAKE A COLOR FROM ANY TUBE … THERE WE GO . A LOT OF VIEWERS ASK ME WHAT COLOR IS BEST TO START WITH, BUT THEY MUST NOT BE WATCHING CLOSELY BECAUSE WHAT DO I ALWAYS SAY? IT DOESN’T MATTER AT ALL.

MAKE A CLOWN, I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT. LET’S HAVE HIM CRYING, I’LL USE SOME OTHER COLOR FOR THE TEARS ? AND LET’S HAVE HIM HOLDING A KNIFE, KIND OF WAVING IT AROUND. THERE YOU GO. AND JUST PUT A LOCOMOTIVE IN THERE. VERY DARK. JUST MIX A BUNCH OF THESE TUBES TOGETHER, THAT ALWAYS MAKES THINGS DARK . SOME SMOKE, MAYBE A LITTLE DETAIL OF THAT GUY IN THE RAINBOW WIG THAT’S ALWAYS AT HOCKEY GAMES… THAT’S NICE NOW. SOME FLOATING EYES … QUITE DISCONCERTING …

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, SOMETHING THAT WILL INCREASE IN VALUE THE MORE FAMOUS YOU GET. SO START DYING YOUR HAIR AND GETTING SHOT BY ONE OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS OR BETTER YET, PAINT ON ONE OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AS SHE SHOOTS YOU AND YOU DUPLICATE EVERYTHING MILLIONS OF TIMES AND BEFORE LONG YOU’LL BE THE TOAST OF TOAST ISLAND AND JUST AS UNHAPPY AS YOU CAN BE, PRICED TOO LOW TO COMMAND THE PRICES OF THE INSANE AND THE SUBJECT OF SO MUCH BORING COMMENTARY THAT CHILDREN OF THE FUTURE ARE PREPARING NOW TO BE BORED BY YOU AND YOUR ANTICS.

THIS IS BILLY FLAMNIGAN FOR ART OF THE INSANE.